


On Director Fury's Secret Service

by ughiguess



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, James Bond References, Loki flirts with everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 00:56:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6135889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughiguess/pseuds/ughiguess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has been working with SHIELD for a while, mostly in combat situations but when an undercover assignment comes up, he gets assigned to work with Darcy to bring down a plot by terrorists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. License to Bicker

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for only a little while now and I hope people enjoy reading it. I do not plan to update it as often as I did Vote for Bergelmir and it will not be as long, but I do hope you'll still read and offer advice since it really helps my writing. The idea came out of the notion that TH would make a great James Bond, which he would, but I don't know that I want that yet bc I want him to keep making more complex, nuanced movies for a while longer. Not that James Bond isn't fun...it so is. 
> 
> As usual, I am doing this for fun, and do not own any Marvel or James Bond anything. Please don't sue me.

If anyone had told Loki two weeks ago that he'd be participating in a James Bond-esque scenario involving posing as a crooked weapons dealer with a scantily clad woman on his arm he'd have laughed in their face, or just looked at them blankly given that he hadn't at that time known who James Bond was.

But then, exactly one week and six days ago, he had been summoned to a nondescript conference room (well, nondescript for Start Tower anyway) and given what Captain Rogers insisted on calling a ‘mission.’

"Take a look at this," said Nick Fury, slapping a manila folder on the table in front of Loki who gingerly turned the cover and flipped through some files and photos of a run of the mill white man.

He, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark and Fury were sitting in at a long table, Loki wondering why he was there in the first place. Stark was looking skeptical, Steve was watching him with an oddly reassuring look on his face. Since he had begun 'helping out' on various missions six months ago, Loki had been under Steve's command and the captain had been nothing but patient and understanding. It drove him crazy. Though his magic had been taken away by Odin, he was adjusting fairly well to life with the Avengers and had proven himself useful in hand to hand combat situations, especially ones where no scruples were required.

"And who is this dull man?" asked Loki in a bored voice.

"That's Andrew Morrison,” said Fury, tapping the head on the photo. “He's a Wall Street type with connections in Saudi, having to do with bond trading."

"And what could that possibly have to do with anything remotely interesting?"

"Rumor has it, he's looking to make a career change," said Fury, watching Loki's face for signs of interest before continuing, "to arms trading."

"This man?" asked Loki, looking at the pictures again. They showed a prematurely balding man about forty five years old, wearing an off the rack suit and a Seiko. "I find that highly unlikely," he scoffed.

"Yeah, well, his firm isn't doing so well and apparently he's on his way to being discovered for defrauding a bunch of pensioners. He's looking to make a deal to sell some Stark weapons to dig himself out of trouble."

"Stark weapons?" Finally, Loki had raised an eyebrow which Fury took as a good sign.

Their inventor finally spoke up, shiftily. "Yeah, we've still got a few stockpiles here and there, we're dealing with them on an ad hoc basis."

"Which begs the question, why can't you go?" asked Loki, clearly annoyed.

"Because we don't want him blown up," said Fury. "Technically, he hasn't committed a crime yet that would result in even a sentence of life imprisonment. We want to catch him in the act, so we can show other would-be white collar types what happens when they start thinking 'you too can be a criminal mastermind'."

"And why not one of the other do-gooders you seem to have in abundance around here?" asked Loki.

"We're all too recognizable," said Steve.

"I've got a thing," said Stark at the same time.

Loki sighed deeply, "So I know why not you, but why choose me, isn't there someone in, say, accounting, who is man enough to take out this mid-level earnings type?"

“It’s a more involved operation than you might think,” said Fury. “He’s got some heavies from Saudi watching his every move these days. This isn’t some kind of IRS bust.”

"Plus, you, big guy," said Stark, "Have 'betrays his employers' written all over your mien face. It’s a vibe you give off," said Tony, waving a hand vaguely over Loki's now irked visage.

"We mean to entrap him," said Fury, ignoring Stark. "All Stark weapons require an access code. You'll be selling him the one he needs, as soon as he has it in his possession, we got him."

"And where do I meet this man?"

"That's the best part," said Stark, with a smile. "There's a gala event at a hotel in Miami this Saturday night. You wear a suit, you meet him at the roulette table, ID yourself using a code word and set up a meet. You’ll love it, it'll be just like James Bond. "

"James Bond?" asked Loki, blankly. "What does that mean?"

The other three jaws in the room dropped.

Stark took control, saying, "JARVIS, help us out."

Instantly the digital displays in the room started airing trailers and showing photos of watches, cars, girls, and gadgets. Loki watched them, nonplussed.

"Besides," said Stark, "You're posing as a Stark weapons scientist, if anyone asks, you can unironically say 'I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you', you should love that."

"I don't understand," said Loki who was feeling more and more like that was his whole job in this meeting.

"It's a joke, you have to say it like it’s a joke, but then maybe with a little edge, like you actually would. "

"I still don't understand, is it meant to be funny or intimidating?"

"Both."

"Is that a Bond thing?" Stark looked as though he were trying to decide and Loki continued, "Who is to be my partner on this mission?"

"Uh...we're still working on that," said Steve, looking between Stark and Fury. Leaving Loki with the operation brief, Fury, Stark and Steve went out into the hall to talk. Darcy Lewis was coming toward them with a tray of coffees and they all nodded briefly at her.

“So you guys are really going through with his, huh?” she asked, shaking her head. “A vaguely British accent is not all there is to being Bond. George Lazenby found that out the hard way.”

"He can play poker, shoot a gun, wear a suit. What else does he need?" asked Stark.

"A valid driver's license?" asked Steve.

"He's got one of those too," said Fury and the others just stared. "I don't know how, he must have flirted with the examiner."

"Aren't those usually guys?" asked Tony.

"Does that matter?" asked Steve. They all stood in silence for a few moments thinking about that one, it was a well observed fact that Loki flirted with everybody.

"...can he pun?" asked Darcy.

\---

"Dude, what the hell? You said come in!" It was two days later and Loki turned toward the door to Stark’s penthouse suite and looked blankly at the little Midgardian who had entered and was now gaping at him openly. "Why did you say come in if you were half naked?"

"I don't understand. Is that a problem?" he asked. "I was under the impression that you were ordered to dress me. Does it not follow that I should be undressed when you arrive?" As he said this he stepped toward her. It had seemed perfectly logical to him when he read the text from Steve Rogers earlier that day. After all, on Asgard he was accustomed to being dressed by servants before important events.

"Rrr, whatever, dude. Pepper will be here any minute. She's got a rack of suits and her efficiency face on, so don't fuck around," said Darcy, pointing a finger at his unclad and pale but otherwise more than acceptable chest.

While she stared he studied her for a moment, then asked in a low voice, "What is your name, mortal?"

"This is Darcy Lewis, she's going to be helping out as an assistant," said Pepper Potts, entering the penthouse, pulling a squeaky rack of men's clothing behind her and breaking the spell.

"I think I'm more of a stylist, actually," said Darcy distantly, turning to face the other woman.

"Could you go to the storage closet on fifteen and get the other bags? These heels are killing me, I don't think I can face it," said Pepper, who had already had a long day at only two p.m. If she was surprised to see Loki in his underwear, she only registered it for the briefest of seconds. She had been coached by Steve not to play Loki’s games, no matter what they might be, and besides, she had caught Tony in much more bizarre scenarios over the years and was practiced at this sort of thing.

Darcy nodded and left, envying the older woman for her poise.

"Normally I would never do this," Pepper assured Loki, taking her Louboutins off and flexing her toes. "We met briefly, before." she said, coming over to shake his hand.

"Yes. You are Stark's woman?" he asked, as if he couldn't believe it. "Surely not," he said, looking her up and down in a flattering way, "You're far too tall for him. Besides, I saw Stark as the type to step out with cheap tarts and underwear models. Not with a creature so elegant as you," he smiled.

"Uh, that's exactly what he was doing when I met him," said Pepper almost as an aside. "We're dating, but I'm also his business partner," she clarified, turning back to the rolling rack. "Now," she said, getting down to business just as the little assistant had suggested she would. "I brought in some stuff that I thought would work for the mission. It's all from Barney's, they do the best tailoring," she assured him.

"I'm sure you know best," said Loki, watching her, still standing there unabashedly in his boxer-briefs.

"This is going to look great on you, really bring out your eyes," said Pepper, pulling out a pale blue shirt and coming over to him to drape it over his chest.

"Or yours," he said in a low voice, smiling pleasantly. Pepper looked up at him and reddened considerably as she thought about the circumstances that would bring about her wearing his shirt. There was a beat of silence which ended when the door squeaked open.

"You left Pepper alone with tall, dark and homicidal?" Tony said to Steve as they entered, breaking the tension.

"Has anyone ever told you, Miss Potts, that you blush adorably?" asked Loki.

"Standing right here," said Tony. "Hey, I've still got the number of the museum guy that does these," he said, pointing beneath his feet to the glass plate he'd had put over the Loki-sized hole the Hulk had made in his penthouse floor so that he could admire the damage everyday but still maintain functionality. "I could go for a matching pair," he threatened.

"Let's just stick to the task at hand," said Steve. “How we coming with those clothes?”

“Great,” said Pepper, stepping away from Loki and returning to the rack. “I’ve got him a tux for the charity ball and suit for anything else plus some casual wear from Ralph Lauren for travel, etc.”

“And all this crap is accessories, I assume?” said Tony, eyeing Darcy who was coming in with a bag full of boxes.

She started placing them on the coffee table and said, “Yeah, personally, I’m sending a complaint letter to SHEILD about my stocking stuffers last Christmas. This is totally unfair.” She topped a small pile of boxes from Calvin Klein (which Darcy assumed contained underwear and gave her imagination a further boost), Barney’s (which felt practically empty and turned out to contain ties) and Johnston & Murphy (shoes if the weight was anything to go by) with a watch box from Omega (James Bond’s brand, she noted) and sat down, humphing.

"Where’s Fury? Did he approve this? Instead of Q-ing him out with gadgets we're GQ-ing him out?" said Tony as Loki had started to try on the clothes with Pepper’s help.

“He should be here any minute,” said Steve. “I hope so anyway, because I’ve had an idea about the other agent for this mission I want to field.”

“I still say there’s prep work you guys are overlooking. Asgardians are Forever over here hasn’t seen any James Bond. He’ll be hopeless,” said Darcy.

“I don’t think it’s that critical,” said Steve.

"He has to watch at least a few...okay, well definitely not Thunderball," she said.

Steve gave her a sarcastic 'very funny' look, but she just said, "What? It's Connery's worst."

Luckily at that moment Nick Fury entered and Steve went over to him and took him to speak privately by the bar. Tony’s eyes followed them but he just said, “Are we all just going to sit here and watch Beau Brummel get dressed?”

Several minutes later Darcy was adjusting Loki’s pocket square, which did bring out his sky blue eyes, when Fury and Steve brought the others into their conversation. It was inadvertent.

“Not on your life, Rogers!” yelled Fury. Everyone’s head turned to stare at him.

“Think about it, Darcy is fully trained now and sending her out with him is probably the best way to keep tabs on him,” said Steve.

"Absolutely not, I hardly need a babysitter. Or a servant, for that matter," said Loki, sounding both annoyed and bored.

"Darcy wouldn't be your servant, she'd be your partner. Kind of like a sidekick," said Steve.

"She'd be your Bond girl." Tony clarified. Loki suddenly looked a lot more interested.

"Can we please stay on topic?" said Nick Fury, "I don't know that I trust this op to an inexperienced agent. No offense, Lewis," he added.

"But she has the right attitude to deal with Loki, you have to admit. It has to be Darcy. Plus, they've never seen her before," said Steve.

Darcy saw this as her best chance to speak up for herself. If Steve thought she was ready, she was going to jump at the chance. She’d been training for six months now just for something like this. "And they'll never see me coming," Darcy added.

"I have to agree," said Loki in a haughty way that was definitely not a compliment.

“So it’s decided,” said Steve who looked back to a fuming Nick Fury who just nodded, angrily, seeing their point at last. Darcy had been in training and sending her with Loki was probably the best way to initiate her into missions for SHIELD, not only was it a relatively mild mission, if anything did go down, Loki’s vicious tactics in battle situations would likely get her out of it unscathed.

“Let me get this straight. I get to go to Miami and be arm-candy?” said Darcy, whose inner feminist was gearing up for a war against her inner fangirl. “Whoo-hoo!”

“Looks like we’ve got some more shopping to do,” said Pepper.

\---

“Okay, now go over it again,” said Steve. He, Darcy and Loki were sitting in another conference room with the mission brief spread out in front of them.

“That’s hardly necessary, we know our parts. I _have_ lied and dissembled before, you know,” Loki replied.

“I just want to get this straight,” said Steve and Darcy nodded, backing him up.

“Fine,” Loki huffed. “Tomorrow at noon, Agent Lewis and I fly to Miami and check into the Four Seasons. That night we attend the charity ball at the hotel where I drop 10,000 on red 27 and then go out to the balcony. Andrew Morrison follows me and we arrange to trade the code reader for 5 million US at a second location. I find Darcy, we have a few drinks, make a few more donations as representatives of Stark Industries and then we leave. The rest is completely dependent on Morrison. Further rehearsal is pointless.”

Even Steve had to concede he had a point.


	2. Casino Royale

To say Loki looked debonair would be to understate the meaning of that word entirely, thought Darcy as she stepped out of the bathroom of their suite in the Miami Four Seasons only to see him fastening his sleeves with a pair of silver cuff links. She took in the way he filled out the tux, the long, lean lines of him, the neatly cropped hair and the piercing blue eyes and it made her eyebrows raise and her breath stop. The only thing missing was his black bow tie which was lying on the (one) bed. They had flown together on Stark's private jet down to Florida that afternoon and had immediately started getting ready for the party.

"Are you having trouble with that?" asked Darcy, pointing to it.

"As a matter of fact, I am. I don't understand the purpose of Midgardian neckwear, I'm afraid the tying of this thing eludes me," he said, stiffly.

Darcy came over to him and picked it up. Nearing him now, she said, "Okay, stand still. I got this," and while she tied it, the scent of a pine forest enveloped her, not overwhelmingly so, but just enough to know the scent worked well on him. She breathed it in deeply.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked in a low voice.

"What!" she said, hoping it sounded more affronted than she felt. "No, as fun as it would be to watch you struggle with this thing, I'm just doing this so we can get down to the party quicker."

"Right," he said. "So, do I pass for James Bond?"

"Oh yeah," said Darcy firmly.

"And you too, I mean, that dress is…"

Loki was rarely at a loss for words but Darcy's dress was pretty spectacular if she did say so herself. It was dark blue and had a high neck that clasped around the back which supported the girls while cut outs on the sides showed enough skin to satisfy the Miami atmosphere. Darcy had been reticent in the store but the way Loki was looking at her now made her reconsider. "Thank you," she said, saving him from having to find the right adjective.

She finished tying his bow tie and stepped back to examine her work. "I guess we're ready," she said.

"You know the plan, right?" he asked. "Stay back, act vapid. You're my trophy, not my partner."

"Thanks," said Darcy and when he furrowed his brow about to say something she said, "I know what you mean. I am trained for this, you know."

"So am I, and for much longer than you."

"Okay, okay. Watch your back but don't look like I'm watching your back. Maybe I'll be _that_ girl. The one that tries to get her boyfriend as drunk as possible."

"Good cover, probably. I like scotch, incidentally," he said.

"Oh no. If you think there's any way I'm not ordering you a martini, you are out of your mind. Again," she finished awkwardly, thinking about the pictures of his eerily blue eyes from the Manhattan incident.

He gave her a frustrated sort of smile and handed her her key card putting his own into his inside coat pocket. "Let’s just go."

"Right," she said, grabbing her microscopic purse and following him out the door.

\---

The party was in full swing by the time Darcy and Loki showed up fashionably late. As they made their way to the bar Darcy was conscious of all the appreciative stares of the women they passed, many of whom gave her the stink eye, obviously jealous of her ‘date.’ When they reached it, Darcy ordered them Martinis, naturally. Loki pronounced his acceptable and they chatted briefly with a few surrounding barflies for about twenty minutes while scanning the crowd for a sign of Morrison. Loki spotted him first, hovering at the roulette table, as agreed.

“I think I’ll try my hand at roulette,” said Loki, his hand coming to rest on Darcy’s upper arm. He turned to her and said, loudly enough for several people in their vicinity to hear, “Wish me luck, baby?”

Darcy’s eyes widened but she quickly recovered enough to kiss him on the cheek (standing on her tip toes). She smiled awkwardly at the surrounding guests as Loki made a graceful exit. She watched, sipping her second Martini as he made the agreed upon drop and followed him with her eyes out a set of wide French doors. Morrison wasn’t far behind. Predictably, two heavies with no necks tried to make themselves inconspicuous as they trailed him toward the balcony.

\---

"So, you're Dr. Moore, huh? I thought all you rocket scientists were badly dressed nerds," said Morrison coming up behind Loki and leaning against the black metal railing, ice clinking in his glass.

"Not at Stark, you've seen the company namesake, I assume?" Loki replied smoothly.

"Right,” said Morrison who was looking Loki up and down trying to feel him out. Apparently something about Loki discouraged small talk and he carried on somewhat awkwardly. “You – uh – have what I need?"

"I wouldn't be here otherwise," Loki intoned.

"Well, I'm having a party on my boat tomorrow night,” said Morrison obviously proud of this fact. “You can blend in with all the others coming and going. Come by around ten."

"That's it? Come by around ten? You're awfully casual about this, even I must say."

"Hey, I'm not even involved really,” Morrison shrugged. “I just set up meetings and count dough." He smiled at this.

"I see," said Loki, suddenly wishing he could snap the man's neck. It was as if he hadn't even thought about the fact that the coding device he was buying unlocked weapons, not some teenage girl's diary. Even Loki hadn't gone into his sketchy deal with a terrorist-like entity so divorced from the consequences. "Well, until tomorrow then," he merely said and left Morris to his Jack and Sprite. 

Loki found Darcy at the bar waiting for another martini and checking her hair in her cell phone camera, or appearing to, actually he knew she was snapping shots of the men now tailing him and was momentarily proud of the little agent.

"All set. We have a soiree to attend tomorrow night," he murmured, wrapping an arm low around her back.

"Yeah? How do we dress?" she said, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice.

"I'd say beach formal, if Morrison is anything to go by. If this event wasn't black tie, I swear he'd be in flip flops."

"Yeah, kind of got the 'overgrown frat boy' vibe from him," said Darcy.

Loki didn't know what that meant but nodded anyway. "All that's left is to drop some cash. Are you ready to lose big?" he asked with a charming smile.

"Yeah, but maybe poker big, we'll save roulette big for the end of the night."

"You play poker?" he asked.

"Don't you?"

"Yes, actually. Stark and the R and D guys have an ongoing Wednesday night game. They taught me everything I need to know."

They found a table and sat down. Darcy and the rest of the table nearly lost their shirts as, needless to say, the God of Lies had an impenetrable poker face. They ended up winning more than they’d given away so far and Loki gentlemanly let Darcy lose it all at Blackjack, it was a charity event after all or so she kept reminding him.

\---

By the time they got back to the hotel room, Darcy was slightly tipsy, but not so much that she forgot to brush her teeth. “Hey,” she said between brushes, “we still need to talk about the sleeping arrangements.”

Loki looked up at her from where he was seated, taking off his shoes. “What do you mean? I thought you were my Bond Girl, aren’t we ‘sharing’ the bed?” he said with a suggestive smirk.

“Well, it is pretty huge,” she said finishing up and coming out of the bathroom in her PJs. “I guess we could top and tail.”

“Tell me more,” said Loki with a grin, unbuttoning his shirt and exposing his lean chest for her consideration.

“It means your head at one end and my head at the other,” she said. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“But it’s so much fun there,” he said, tossing the shirt onto a chair, looking very tempting indeed.

Darcy just grabbed the pillows and started fluffing one for herself at the footer. “Goodnight, Loki,” she said, firmly, privately wondering whether she was taking that tone with him or with herself.

\---

The next day Loki spent mostly in the room spying on Morrison’s yacht in the harbor through binoculars, in between glances down to the pool where Darcy lay sunbathing, anyway. When she came back to the room she pointed at the binoculars and asked, “Using those to spot hot babes?” He didn’t even bother to deny it.

When she came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel he was sitting in one of the chairs with a tablet going over the specs of the boat type SHEILD had sent them to plan their mission’s next step. “Come look at these. I think we can assume he’ll keep any pertinent information in the main bedroom,” he said, zooming in on it. “Looks like you can get in by the escape hatch on the aft deck.”

“And how are we supposed to explain being in there if need be?” she asked.

“We’ll think of something,” he said with a smirk making her think already had an idea, he just didn’t want to share it.

“I don’t like it when you say things like that.”

“Will none of you ever trust me?” he grinned.

“Um. Let me think about that. No,” said Darcy, retreating into the bathroom and starting the blow dryer.


End file.
